The Centre Of The Rind

"I'm Outta Here Like Vladimir"

2005-04-30T07:00:00.004-04:00

This blog has served its purpose and all things must come to an end, just like most bands need to break up after a while. It’s time to close up shop. I’m not posting regularly and blogs need constant love and affection. I’ll probably start something new and write more about political things.

Three months ago I had brain surgery to remove a 5-½ centimeter tumour. When I was diagnosed in December, I steeped myself like a teabag in the world of Acoustic Neuroma. I looked for every scrap of information, read patient accounts, and looked for inspiration in a world filled with sad stories. Time to look forward to the next fork in the road. God forbid I should hear the word 'cancer' but if I do, I’ll be better equipped to deal with the turmoil. Good thing I’m engaged in the lifelong process of trying to choose healthy ways to cope.

How does the kid feel? I’m deaf in the right side, but music sounds just as good as ever. My balance isn’t perfect, but I’m riding the snot out of my hybrid mountain bike. Meetings are a little tougher, as is dealing with ambient sound; it’s just more tiring. Maybe I’ll shell out some pesos for a CROS hearing aid, but I'd like to expand my drum collection. Apparently, playing any musical instrument is useful in firing up those pesky synapses and recovering any (perceived) former glory! I even bought myself a new practice pad, a new copy of Stick Control, and dusted off the old metronome.

So that’s it.

Thanks to all who checked in, and please feel free to stay in touch.

19grapes@rogers.com

Scrotch P. Nibley

2005-04-27T20:33:00.001-04:00

Had an inspirational luncheon today with old-pal-of-mine and former band mate D. Bigelow from our Nation’s Capital. (Which by the way, is the home of Jack Layton’s “Happy Ending”. It’s also home to Tom Green, Leo Safari, and a staggering number of other above average humourists.) DB has this kinetic, crazy, creative vibe that makes you feel energized just being in the same room. He’s been instrumental in putting a number of things on the Comedy Network in the last few years, and is a happening guy. We kibitzed it up for a few hours, which of course gave me the opportunity to get caught up on the whereabouts of one Scrotch P. Nibley, who as you might guess is "relaxing". I ‘m well overdue to go East to the ‘613’ to reacquaint with the Ottawa contingent, and it’ll be grand to make the trip.

The mighty SNFU come to spread the word tomorrow night at the Reverb. Me and my baby you know – we got to go.

2005-04-22T16:11:00.000-04:00

My first Mousekiss show since the little death that is brain surgery is at Elvis Monday on May 16th.

(Click on "Music" when the page loads, and I'll see you there.)

2005-04-19T20:21:00.000-04:00

Happy Anniversary!

2005-04-17T07:37:00.000-04:00

"Can't come to work today....I've got this terrible 24 hour thing..."

Australian Rules Dogwalking

2005-04-16T17:33:00.000-04:00

Tess and I took Luna for a walk along Whitby’s waterfront trail this morning with Nicole (of Sean and Nicole ‘sitting in a tree’ fame.) It was pretty cool, although trail users there tend to announce their approach from behind like it’s a contact sport.

“Careful walkers! 4 bikes and two rollerbladers behind you!”

It’s like an Australian Rules Football game out there I tell ya.

Nicole is going to see Sean next week in Alberta where he is taking a hazardous materials firefighting course. ‘Haz Mat’ – if you’re with it. They’re going to spend some time in beautiful Banff, Alberta. She was belting out Stand By Your Man in anticipation, and I’m glad they'll get to see each other soon.

Nice weather today, perfect for some backyard reading, napping, and some late afternoon drumming, oh happy days.

2005-04-16T07:38:00.000-04:00

Captain KC plays a soft seater.

2005-04-14T22:38:00.000-04:00

Been playing some drumset, BTW.
(Guilty Pleasure - Playing with 'headphone' to JLo's "I'm Real".

2005-04-14T22:27:00.000-04:00

Great news: Blockbuster Video has abolished late fees. No more late fees, but a souless automated attendant leaves a 45 minute message on the voice mail suggesting it might be a good idea to bring those movies back. Painful - and something I could do without, but admit I'm taking advantage.

I’m taking on a new role in my office as of Monday. It’s a lateral move into a ‘self-assessment / compliance-to-policy’ position, and I have to say that the timing is pretty good. The dynamic of my daily work will change and it’ll be a good way to expand my knowledge base and contacts, not to mention that it’s a considerable learning opportunity.

Thanks to all Private Label Rangers past and present for a memorable two years – it’s been a gas.

I’m glad I’m still working part time, and can get home early enough to take the beast to the Creek to bathe in the Spring sunshine, get my feet all muddy, and play a little chase the Kong before coming home smelling of April.

Back to work.

2005-04-12T17:55:00.000-04:00

Scottish slang.

For the PL Rangers.

2005-04-09T21:33:00.000-04:00

Bring back the Don

2005-04-09T21:26:00.000-04:00

Now Playing: "Childhood Dreams"
Nelly Furtado

Faces of Stress

2005-04-09T10:35:00.000-04:00

This part-time-work business was a good idea. After a few hours, details start to seem a little hazy and I find myself craving a bit of “empty head” time. I need to come up to speed on a number of procedural and operational changes and this alone will take some weeks and besides, it gives me the opportunity to dig the Springshine with “La Luna”. Remember the semi-bogus movie Faces of Death? The office looked a bit like Faces of Stress this week, which I hope is just growing pains with the realignment project in place.

I haven’t had much of a chance to write lately, but one piece of news of course is the TTC strike as of Monday. Good thing I can ride my bike to work! I have to chuckle at the non-smiling “serious cyclists” decked out in their 21^st century fabric and neon colour. Everyone wants to be Lance Armstrong.

There is a lot of new tree planting and restoration of wetland along the Don River. The water quality is so much better; it’s really come back these last few years, and it is definitely headed in the right direction. To live so close to a great green space in a city this size is truly amazing.

Success in the Post Op Workplace (Note to Self)

2005-04-06T19:50:00.001-04:00

Try to:

· Exercise
· Eat properly
· Rest
· Have a laugh, especially at my expense
· Take a joke
· Be approachable
· Recognize and work within the bureaucracy
· Take the initiative
· Take breaks and use the time to relax
· Visualize good outcomes
· Learn to say no
· Adapt to change
· Test my assumptions
· Regularly review and revise this list
· Ask for help if I need it

Try not to:

· Be too hard on myself
· Take my accomplishment for granted
· Complain
· Let frustration win over acceptance
· Lose my temper
· Lose my patience with myself or with others
· Be a ‘people pleaser’
· Bear grudges
· Take anything personally
· Be scared of making mistakes
· Procrastinate

2005-04-05T19:21:00.000-04:00

If you haven't heard, the Pope died.

Zen and the Art of the Personal Call

2005-04-05T18:59:00.000-04:00

Some of the fine people at work think I’m crazier than usual – coming back when spring has leapt it’s way forward like Castro’s Revolution, but I insist I’m quite sane.

“Milk it John, I would.”

It’s only part time so there isn’t much time for stress or bother - before I know it I’m bailing for home and the fine array of East York lovelies sequestered here.

I rode my bike to work today. I’m guessing it’s about 13KM each way, fortunately very little of it “upstairs” with the steel chariots. I go down into Taylor Creek through the woods to Don Mills, where I wind my way south on the Don Valley Trail to the stairs, and up to Queen Street. At my peak, (pre-tumour), the one-way trip took about 35 minutes. This is the same amount of time the TTC would take by the way, and today took only 10 minutes longer headed downtown. Coming back took a wee bit longer as it’s uphill.

As my seasoned neighbour Ziggy might say in his well-established Polish accent, “Johnny, ta-kken eeazy….”

The PL Rangers held a groovy “Welcome Back” Potluck today – needless to say, most of us ate too much before waddling back to our seats to while away the calories on “personal calls”. Yum!

Note to Self: I have to make sure I don’t get too frustrated with my level of progress, make sure I remember how lucky I am, and exercise the appropriate patience.

Zen and the art of the personal call, isn’t that right my Moroccan friend?

2005-04-02T09:41:00.000-05:00

Three items I need to get reaquainted with:

1) George Lawrence Stone - Stick Control
2) Ted Reed - Syncopation for the Modern Drummer
3) My metronome

My neighbours love me at nine in the morning.

2005-04-02T08:34:00.000-05:00

Mr. Soul recently had surgery for a brain aneurysm. I'm glad they got it in time; it looks as though he didn't have to wait too long for MRI.

2005-04-01T11:35:00.000-05:00

Propaganda Remix Project

2005-04-01T10:20:00.000-05:00

Tuesday night I went to hear Dr. Tator speak about treatment for acoustic neuroma with gamma knife. He has had a distinguished career as a surgeon and has performed many successful AN excisions, although he has embraced the GK concept as a better alternative. (Toronto now has a GK machine and will commence treatment starting in July.) I consider myself lucky I didn’t have to agonize over this decision, (my AN was too large and had a cystic component) but given the choice, would probably lean toward surgery. There would be less post-op anxiety associated with excision, and I would rather they go in and physically remove the tumour.

There could’ve been some sort of coffee shop gathering organized after the meeting; there was a lot of awkward and stilted conversation begging to be brought forward. Hopefully next time.

I set up my drums in the sun room yesterday and played for an hour and although it felt great - I'm out of practice. Good thing this only gets better.

Tess and I are going to San Francisco for a week in June.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Misterchipig VS The Killers

2005-03-29T13:03:00.000-05:00

The Killers have done their homework, listened to the right records, and stolen from the right people! The songs are full of new wave riffing and their choruses are high on the spine tingle count. Tess and I scored tickets to see them at the Molson Amphitheatre May 31st with bi-coastal Canadian twins Tegan and Sara. Speaking of the Rock, Vancouver stalwarts SNFU fly to Onterrible to rip it up April 28th. This is the best punk rock band you might be lucky enough to see this spring, and you never know when you might get another chance.

I used all my rocket fuel last week to paint the kitchen. I needed to gauge manual stresses and I’m pretty sure I got a good mark, though it was mighty tiring.

I’m one of those nutbars that like going to work.

I led the life of an artist (usually a starving one) until I was thirty-two, at which time I got my first day-gig in an office. I like the comedy, I like the discipline involved, and I like to wake up in the morning. I like the fact that "personal cause" (usually) translates into "personal effect." Being in a band means you have to rely on and work with three or four people to succeed. Creative people are often tortured souls, and work can be uneven. I find day jobbing is more individualistic, there is more personal glory involved, and I like the challenge of the trajectory.

So many people are miserable with work, but if you hate it so much why bother? You could move to Costa Rica and serve drinks for two days a week to put food in your belly - (my dream retirement job.) You could certainly do without the massive SUV lease. Speaking of which, it’s high time that these creatures became unfashionable.

It’s been almost three months since surgery, slacking is about to become a thing of the past and I’m headed back to work Monday. As Phil R. so eloquently said on the phone yesterday, “Oprah and Dr. Phil have really great shows, but it’s time to move forward.”

On the bicycle front, I cherry burst my first ride post-op today. My baby hooked me up with a new helmet, a front light, and small rearview mirror yesterday, and I’m definitely going for a scoot.

15 Degrees today - good times.

2005-03-28T20:49:00.000-05:00

Got Soul?

2005-03-26T07:06:00.000-05:00

Now Playing

"Democracy" by Killing Joke

2005-03-25T07:49:00.000-05:00

John M., Brian, Hannah M. - East of Toronto

2005-03-25T07:13:00.000-05:00

Max and Ryan rock out.

Jeff Buckley helped me paint the kitchen.

2005-03-24T16:42:00.000-05:00

My first exposure to Jeff Buckley was on television during Glastonbury '94. I was in southern England making a Bootsauce record at the time, and having a great time with my buddies. It was time for a wee break in the afternoon, and I took off for the serenity of the lounge, ringing ears and hangover in tow, to watch television. Onscreen I saw a guy and his band set up their gear and start to play. They jumped from the screen into the ether of Jacobs Studio with a vengeance and tore into their stuff. Jeff, (son of folk hero hippie Tim Buckley) and his band played an amazing set that afternoon, and he completely blew everyone away with his live version of songs from the brilliant breakthrough album Grace. I couldn’t tear myself away. Their set went down like something important to witness - this meant something; it was clear that something special was in the air. I was so moved I practically destroyed a snare drum that afternoon. Sadly, Buckley was to drown in 1997; a talent taken far too soon, his genius half-tapped.

If you don’t know Grace do yourself a favour and go buy it. Buckley and his band of New Yorkers play “loosely tight” as Jimmy Page once said, the songs are amazing, and it belongs in your stash.

Besides. It’s great music to paint the kitchen to.

Back In the Saddle

2005-03-23T20:33:00.000-05:00

Today I led my first Spinning class since January 9th, which was predictably awesome. Standout song: "Regret" by New Order. (Nobody can get away with the retro sound like the Frapper.)

I'd write more, but I'm knee deep in primer and spackling compound. 11 more sleeps before I get back on the hamster wheel~!

2005-03-22T22:01:00.000-05:00

Taylor Creek

2005-03-22T22:00:00.000-05:00

Ashbridge's Bay - March 05

2005-03-22T21:59:00.000-05:00

Find the White Beast.

2005-03-22T21:58:00.000-05:00

70 Days On.

Funky Crate

2005-03-22T17:46:00.000-05:00

I told the Taylor Creekers that I’d like to get a snap of them in action before my day of reckoning comes in April. Secret Agent Everett is 'outta here like Vladamir' and moving to the Bruce Peninsula in May. Unfortunately, his wife recently died, and he is bailing out of his long time career at the CBC to retire at 51; it’ll be a shame to see him go, and needless to say, it’s too bad his girl isn’t going with him. The best-laid plans are fragile of course, and require constant revision.

Yesterday I ran into my Trenton High School buddy Klass and his two boys at the Laundromat. (It’s true I admit it. I wash Luna’s nasty crate blankets there.) Of course it’s been way too long since I’ve seen Klass. He and his family live blocks away, and this was the first time I’d met his enthusiastic fellas. His boys with Jackie are predictably beautiful, and by coincidence they know another notable Creeker, Fred the Grand Poobah. We had a coffee and caught up before exchanging numbers and promising to call each other.

So if having a brain tumour wasn’t enough, I’m painting my kitchen. ("It's not the destination it's the process.") Leaving the store this morning paint supplies in hand I heard a great song on CBC by Canadians Tegan and Sara. I don’t know what the song was called but it was really awesome and uplifting. Those two sisters have managed to stumble into something special, that’s for sure.

The results of CBC Radio’s 50 Tracks are in by the way, and it’s good to see ‘New York City’ by the Demics included. Maybe there is justice in Canada after all.

From today’s good news file: Shamsha Amarsi, the girl thrown from the bridge by her suicidal father earlier this month came home from the hospital today. Good luck little Sister.

2005-03-21T09:55:00.000-05:00

Taylor Creek - Feb 05

2005-03-21T09:53:00.000-05:00

Small Primate/ Large Canine

2005-03-21T09:50:00.000-05:00

"Would you happen to have any food?"

First Day of Spring

2005-03-20T17:47:00.000-05:00

NP: "The First Day of Spring"
THE GANDHARVAS

Winter is officially over, and spring has sprung itself forward like a thirsty man at a Winnipeg 'Two-For-One'. I almost bought some perennial bulbs to plant in the back yard today, but my (sensible) wife drew a line in the snow suggesting that perhaps we should wait until the ground thaws and the credit card cycle sees me back to work. I would have to pay the balance to zero anyway, (I hate paying interest), or I'd feel like a schmuck.

Good deal on Chocolate Pecan Pie at Dominion today: $9.97

Yum.

People That You Meet

2005-03-19T16:04:00.000-05:00

Today I ran into a guy dog walking I hadn’t seen since a blindingly bright day in January. We walked for miles, and our dogs were really happy running together. (His dog is a Whippet and mine is a Shepherd, and they cut quite a rug and make quite a team, I can tell you.) We spent a lot of time talking about attitude and fortitude that clear and crunchy day. I was fresh out of surgery and the hospital, upbeat about recovery, and grooving on the sunshine.

Struggles.

Today he tells me he was diagnosed with HIV in 1992 and has been off work since 1994. He was in on the early protease inhibitor trials and is now running out of options. He is looking toward the combination of two more experimental drugs but may ‘run out of time’ before they're approved and he can try them.

Trouble.

This guy laughs at traffic problems and thinks nothing of long lines, crowded stores, or any of life’s trivial little headaches. Today he exuded peace and acceptance, and was radiant with wide-open honesty. I’m fortunate that he decided to share his story with me, and hope in some small way I can be there for him in the future.

2005-03-18T14:31:00.000-05:00

Song of the Day: “She Bangs the Drums”
THE STONE ROSES

As Iggy Pop once sang, “I’m the Chairman of the Bored.”

I’m not however, that bored. If God one day said to me “Johnny, you never have to work another day in your life”, I’d have no problem filling the days and don’t feel a pressing need to have a million dollars before I’m forty. Life is as precious and as fleeting as the disappearing snow. Just imagine a life of Tessing, fitness, dog walks, music, volunteering, books, movies, cycling, chumming, cooking, cleaning, blogging, and of course ‘skiving.’

skive
Noun. An evasion of one's tasks, a period of shirking.
Verb. To evade doing one's work or duties.

British slang rules.

I stopped in to see some old friends and workmates this morning. Sláinte chugat.

Anyway, I’m off. Time to do the ‘hooverin’. (vacuuming)

2005-03-17T19:16:00.000-05:00

Nisan and Sonny

2005-03-16T14:21:00.000-05:00

2005-03-15T19:19:00.000-05:00

Propaganda Remix Project

2005-03-15T17:58:00.000-05:00

Stephanie Fox thinks big.

Scroll down and click on "scalable version."
Why is Toronto's subway so pathetically small? Why do so many people have to drive?

"More bicycles, more bicycles!" the semi-literate man cried.

All Mod Cons

2005-03-15T06:32:00.000-05:00

Are you sure you need to make that call? There is a possible connection to tumour growth that might make you think twice before you use your cell phone.

I was at the video store yesterday and the clerk thought I was daydreaming. She was on my deaf side and I didn’t hear her. Unfortunately, there will be situations where people will think I’m ignoring them, and aside from the hearing aid that I may end up having to get, there isn't much I can do about it.

I started this blog as therapy, to write about my brain tumour and about my trials with acoustic neuroma. I’m going to come to a point soon where I’ll be bored with tumour talk and this will morph into something else. The thing is, I’m almost at what they call the “new normal” and am going to have to start posting about whatever comes up. Before this past December I never had the discipline to keep a diary, and blogging is a great way to keep the shizzle. The challenge will be to keep it from becoming (insert John Lydon accent here) "boring."

Did you see Gabe on last Sunday night’s episode of Interventions? He was IQ tested as a child and scored a 156, which qualified him as a genius. How about his emotional intelligence? As Dr. Phil might say; "too much coddling could curdle."

Cheech and Chong 2004

2005-03-14T07:50:00.000-05:00

Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle

Nice stoner-comedy / road movie here about race, relationships, sexuality, weed, junk food, and post-secondary angst. Neither of the main characters is white, which is refreshing to see for a mainstream movie. This fable is an instant classic for teenagers of all ages and I must admit I laughed out loud more than twice watching this. If I were 22, I’d go on the record and say I loved it.

Wait. I’m 37 and I loved it.
Doogie Howser plays himself - I mean come on.

I’m unafraid of ridicule. I had brain surgery after all, bring tha noize.

2005-03-12T15:07:00.000-05:00

Duke Jordan-Chiasson relaxes at home in GretzkyTown.

GretzkyTown

2005-03-12T14:46:00.000-05:00

Terry and I went to Gretzky Town to see Kevin yesterday, where we admired his new kitchen, walked Duke the dog, and had some lunch before returning home. They live in a grand old neighbourhood, full of heritage homes. Real brick and real stone everywhere, they don't build houses the way they used to, I'll tell you that for free. Somewhere along the line I developed a sore throat, and spent a quiet night in with my better half last night.

Mike and his daughter Hannah (see photo album) came over for an hour this morning before they they left to go up the CN Tower, skate at Nathan Phillips Square, and see the sights of Toronto. Great to see the new tattoo and man, kids grow up fast.

Note to self:

Patience
Acceptance
Stillness
Peace

Phil the Alien

2005-03-10T21:49:00.000-05:00

Rob's film Phil the Alien is doing well and getting great press, and hopefully we'll play a show with our band Mousekiss next month. Come home Pinchet Cabron, we miss you.

I went to work today for thirty minutes and stayed for three hours saying hello, and of course (unfortunately) repeating the same information. I expected this, and believe that most have good intentions when they ask how the past two months have been.

"I'm well, thanks."

“I have tinnitus that sometimes gets so loud I can barely hear the voices in my head.”

"I have balance issues, but who doesn't with eyes closed and one foot on the floor?”

"My right ear is strictly decorative, please speak here.”

"It's way past my bedtime."

“I think the scar makes me look tough.”

“I’m a lucky Fenian.”

After muttering what sounded like some platitude or another about always trying to look on the bright side, I'd move on to the next person.

Maybe I should have flyers made up.

It was tiring, but really great to see everyone, and of course RM has promised me season one of The Office to help me while away the remainder of short term disability.

2005-03-09T17:32:00.000-05:00

In Toronto on Monday a man threw his daughter over a bridge to the ground below before jumping off himself. He died, but the child is in critical condition. It’s a terrible shame this guy felt it necessary to harm his baby prior to committing suicide. Why have babies if you don’t really want them? Why use children as bit players? I hope she recovers.

If you’re that tortured by life, please get some help.

It surprised me to hear that the Bloor Viaduct was once such a favored spot to ‘end it all’ considering all the bridges that cross the Don Valley. Isn't suicide supposed to be a little more private?

Monday: Ball Class
Tuesday: Low Impact
Wednesday: Cycle
Thursday: Cycle
Friday: Day Off!

I’d rather stick a fork in my eye.

2005-03-08T17:15:00.000-05:00

Blue skies and cold walking today: Minus 8 Celsius, about minus 19 with the wind chill.

After the gym, I headed south to the Annex and had some poached Eggs Florentine at Kilgore’s with the masterful Johnny B. We talked about creative juices, drive and desire, neighbourhoods, people we know, music, gigs, and optimism in the face of adversity among other tidings. By sheer coincidence it’s his birthday, many happy returns and a happy March 8th to him.

I just got home from a brisk and beautiful walk through a barren Taylor Creek with Luna. Today the Yaktrax came in awfully useful with the ice, and I proclaim to the rooftops that they're worth every penny.

Lamb and Rice

2005-03-07T14:59:00.000-05:00

I lost my $10.00 pedometer.

I took Stability Ball class with Rory today following a brisk twenty five minute run. Afterward, Tess and I picked up some Nutram Lamb and Rice with Chicken (for the dog), and because we bought our 10th bag at $42.99, got one free.

Luna is very pleased we're back, and would like everyone to know that later today she is legally changing her name to Deborah Cox for reasons befitting her diva like stature.

Mistress made herself a new sweater last night while we sat through a painfully long "Ray".

NP: "Autumn Sweater"
Yo La Tengo

Focus!

2005-03-05T07:02:00.000-05:00

In Arrested Development, Liza Minnelli’s character suffers from Meniere’s Disease or is she just being a drama queen? One of these days (we're still soaking in season one), she and the amorous Buster will up their shares of Seagram’s Extra Dry gin, get it together, and move to the Garden State to live happily ever after.

I decided this week that I’m going back to work Monday, April 4th, and called to let my boss know. I’m starting to get a bit bored watching Oprah and with Luna’s conversation: ("Food? Sleep? Walkies?") and besides; as much as I dig her, she’s never offered assistance with the math homework. I’ve been working through a great book called What Next by Barbara Moses, which dictates that you appraise your skill sets and evaluate your strengths and desires so that you can target your perfect job.

I have to wait and see long term how much strength I have for school, at least seven hours a night of sleep will forever be a priority. Balance will be key, and if I slide into work-obsessed and compulsive behaviour, I know of a certain hundred pound firecracker that’ll keep me in line.

I start leading Spinning class again at Eclipse on Easter Sunday March 26. Easter will be good; I suspect class will be light on Christians but heavy on the sons and daughters of Abraham, and full of the good love. The Christians are welcome to burn off the chocolate the following Sunday. (Of course, all denominations are welcome, naturally.)

Tess and I are having lunch today with Sean and Nicole at some Mongolian place in their neighbourhood, but we will of course be stopping at a well researched wool store for the necessaries beforehand. Good times.

2005-03-04T15:16:00.000-05:00

Bad News From Alberta

2005-03-04T14:14:00.000-05:00

Amr M. was good enough to send this along. It's an open letter from Lloyd Axworthy to Condoleeza Rice, published recently in the Winnipeg Free Press:

By LLOYD AXWORTHY
Dear Condi, I'm glad you've decided to get over your fit of pique and venture north to visit your closest neighbour. It's a chance to learn a thing or two. Maybe more.

I know it seems improbable to your divinely guided master in the White House that mere mortals might disagree with participating in a missile-defence system that has failed in its last three tests, even though the tests themselves were carefully rigged to show results.

But, gosh, we folks above the 49th parallel are somewhat cautious types who can't quite see laying down billions of dollars in a three-dud poker game.

As our erstwhile Prairie-born and bred (and therefore prudent) finance minister pointed out in presenting his recent budget, we've had eight years of balanced or surplus financial accounts. If we're going to spend money, Mr. Goodale added, it will be on day-care and health programs, and even on more foreign aid and improved defence.

Sure, that doesn't match the gargantuan, multi-billion-dollar deficits that your government blithely runs up fighting a "liberation war" in Iraq, laying out more than half of all weapons expenditures in the world, and giving massive tax breaks to the top one per cent of your population while cutting food programs for poor children.

Just chalk that up to a different sense of priorities about what a national government's role should be when there isn't a prevailing mood of manifest destiny.
Coming to Ottawa might also expose you to a parliamentary system that has a thing called question period every day, where those in the executive are held accountable by an opposition for their actions, and where demands for public debate on important topics such a missile defence can be made openly.

You might also notice that it's a system in which the governing party's caucus members are not afraid to tell their leader that their constituents don't want to follow the ideological, perhaps teleological, fantasies of Canada's continental co-inhabitant. And that this leader actually listens to such representations.

Your boss did not avail himself of a similar opportunity to visit our House of Commons during his visit, fearing, it seems, that there might be some signs of dissent. He preferred to issue his diktat on missile defence in front of a highly controlled, pre-selected audience.

Such control-freak antics may work in the virtual one-party state that now prevails in Washington. But in Canada we have a residual belief that politicians should be subject to a few checks and balances, an idea that your country once espoused before the days of empire.

If you want to have us consider your proposals and positions, present them in a proper way, through serious discussion across the table in our cabinet room, as your previous president did when he visited Ottawa. And don't embarrass our prime minister by lobbing a verbal missile at him while he sits on a public stage, with no chance to respond.

Now, I understand that there may have been some miscalculations in Washington based on faulty advice from your resident governor of the "northern territories," Ambassador Cellucci. But you should know by now that he hasn't really won the hearts and minds of most Canadians through his attempts to browbeat and command our allegiance to U.S. policies.
Sadly, Mr. Cellucci has been far too closeted with exclusive groups of 'experts' from Calgary think-tanks and neo-con lobbyists at cross-border conferences to remotely grasp a cross-section of Canadian attitudes (nor American ones, for that matter).

I invite you to expand the narrow perspective that seems to inform your opinions of Canada by ranging far wider in your reach of contacts and discussions. You would find that what is rising in Canada is not so much anti-Americanism, as claimed by your and our right-wing commentators, but fundamental disagreements with certain policies of your government. You would see that rather than just reacting to events by drawing on old conventional wisdoms, many Canadians are trying to think our way through to some ideas that can be helpful in building a more secure world.

These Canadians believe that security can be achieved through well-modulated efforts to protect the rights of people, not just nation-states.

To encourage and advance international co-operation on managing the risk of climate change, they believe that we need agreements like Kyoto.

To protect people against international crimes like genocide and ethnic cleansing, they support new institutions like the International Criminal Court -- which, by the way, you might strongly consider using to hold accountable those committing atrocities today in Darfur, Sudan.

And these Canadians believe that the United Nations should indeed be reformed -- beginning with an agreement to get rid of the veto held by the major powers over humanitarian interventions to stop violence and predatory practices.

On this score, you might want to explore the concept of the 'Responsibility to Protect' while you're in Ottawa. It's a Canadian idea born out of the recent experience of Kosovo and informed by the many horrific examples of inhumanity over the last half-century. Many Canadians feel it has a lot more relevance to providing real human security in the world than missile defence ever will.

This is not just some quirky notion concocted in our long winter nights, by the way. It seems to have appeal for many in your own country, if not the editorialists at the Wall Street Journal or Rush Limbaugh. As I discovered recently while giving a series of lectures in southern California, there is keen interest in how the U.S. can offer real leadership in managing global challenges of disease, natural calamities and conflict, other than by military means.

There is also a very strong awareness on both sides of the border of how vital Canada is to the U.S. as a partner in North America. We supply copious amounts of oil and natural gas to your country, our respective trade is the world's largest in volume, and we are increasingly bound together by common concerns over depletion of resources, especially very scarce fresh water.
Why not discuss these issues with Canadians who understand them, and seek out ways to better cooperate in areas where we agree -- and agree to respect each other's views when we disagree.

Above all, ignore the Cassandras who deride the state of our relations because of one missile-defence decision. Accept that, as a friend on your border, we will offer a different, independent point of view. And that there are times when truth must speak to power.

In friendship,

Lloyd Axworthy

Lloyd Axworthy is president of the
University of Winnipeg and a former Canadian foreign minister.

2005-03-03T15:15:00.000-05:00

It’s only fitting that my first post-op show-in-mono was the Beatles.

James took me to see a really good tribute band called Rain last night at Toronto’s venerable Massey Hall. They played four nights here at capacity - that’s almost nine thousand people at fifty bucks a pop, 'ka - ching, ka - ching.' James told me last night that our good friend and Brother from Another Mother RG suffers from Meniere's Disease and is deaf on one side. I had no idea.

I had a great night, happy 40th to my brother James - my only blood relative in North America. Slainte!

How does a hearing aid sound for a mid-life vanity present? Harley? Electronic drums? Why not make it a BICROS hearing aid? They cost from about fourteen to twenty-two hundred dollars not including tax, how does that dent your shimmy?

2005-02-28T20:38:00.000-05:00

New Rule: "All Night Long" by Lionel Ritchie is no longer available as a performance option for The Idol. It's just a bad idea.

2005-02-28T09:46:00.000-05:00

Of course the Oscars put me to sleep last night, but I managed to catch most of the biggies before my head hit the old tempurpedic pillow.

Martin Scorcese has been shut out again, and winning couldn't happen to a more genuine woman than Hillary Swank . Although Regis Philbun called Jamie Foxx Jamie "Farr" on national television today, we know the difference. We also know that Samuel Jackson isn't Morgan Freeman.

Actor: Jamie Foxx
Actress: Hilary Swank
Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett
Supporting Actor: Morgan Freeman
Picture: Million Dollar Baby
Director: Clint Eastwood
Adapted Screenplay: Sideways
Original Screenplay: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I see Dr. Pirouzmand for my six-week follow up tomorrow and am looking at the possibility of the cros hearing aid for work.

2005-02-27T09:28:00.000-05:00

The world is rife with blog. Some of the younger generations sure have the technicalities together; it really makes me want to go to geek school. Do they learn from their chums, or are they born with this skill? Is it part of their DNA? If your parents watched Starsky and Hutch or The “A” Team growing up, HTML skills are guaranteed, you're part of the right gene pool baby.

The Taylor Creek ‘Seven-Forty-Fivers’ brought coffee yesterday, with a bit of the recipe on the side. I took my coffee straight up as this is not really my thing, and a nine-thirty nap would surely result in some raised eyebrows and a good asskicking upon my return home. Ataxic gait is common after acoustic neuroma excision, really baby! Speaking of the crew, I wonder where they were this morning?

It’s so beautiful this time of year down there and a great community; I promise to get some tree-hugger photos up soon.

2005-02-26T10:49:00.000-05:00

Hardwood floors + german shepherd dog = swiffer or vacuum?

NP: "Move On Up" - Curtis Mayfield

2005-02-25T17:19:00.000-05:00

Where you can hear this on Friday at 5PM

Above the clouds the sky is always blue.

2005-02-25T07:31:00.000-05:00

Workouts and lunch, dog walking and housecleaning, sweeping and dishes and cooking and recovery, I would never have a problem filling the days if I never had to work another day in my life, but I almost feel like I’m missing the action downtown. I was talking to Phil my neighbour about this yesterday. Phil is on permanent vacation (he’s retired), and we were talking about our perception that time goes faster as we get older, hurtling us with ever increasing velocity toward the inevitable. Phil has had prostate cancer and survived triple-bypass surgery, and understands that life is all too brief. Agreed.

Today is Friday, and many at work of all stripes today are ‘happy’ while on Monday they’ll be ‘sad’. That in itself is a drag, I could never understand the days of the week affecting well being to that degree. After all, Monday comes once a week, why be habitually miserable 1/7^th of the time?

Spring is about to be born and rise up in its green and verdant way. For me, this has been one speedy winter - having more to bitch about than the weather has its advantages and teaches life’s valuable lessons.

Where I'd like to be before much longer.

Helmet Shopping

2005-02-24T18:23:00.000-05:00

I looked at bicycle helmets today at my local CyclePath. It was great to hear that beyond about 50 bucks, you're paying for ventilation and a lighter weight. The BMX helmets look like they provide a lot of protection and sure look rad, but if I can't wear it with a straight face, how am I going to pull it off on the real?

(Maybe an SNFU sticker or two...)

Now Playing:
'Unsung'
Helmet

2005-02-24T13:00:00.000-05:00

The effusive multi-talent Leo Safari is in the front, and that's the world-famous Joe Gatineau in the back. Great Canadien-Quebecers that they are, they never fail to satisfy.

2005-02-24T11:09:00.000-05:00

Join the debate.
It's all about the [Can Con] Eighties today. Say yeah.
Jane Siberry's 'The Walking' gets my vote as the earliest digital record with soul.

Thursday is the Best Day for Grapes At No Frills

2005-02-24T07:18:00.000-05:00

It’s been six-weeks [plus a day] since surgery and here is what I see: My balance is getting better every day, although when I get tired I walk into the occasional doorway and sometimes lose my place in the dark. Driving is as easy (and as dangerous and as bad for the environment) as it ever was. Sometimes it takes longer to form (written) sentences of varying length, though I understand any cognitive setbacks are temporary.

The AN meeting was small but informative, and as always, a load shared is a load lessened, although I feel (almost) as strong as Brett 'The Hitman' Hart in his prime. Talk about a comeback. That guy is coming back from a stroke – a tough row to hoe to be sure.

My level of fitness is at about 70%. Yesterday I took a 45 Min. Spinning class followed by an hour with Marci F on core and balance exercises, and came home to walk Luna. I was pretty tired last night but bolstered as always by Coronation Street at 7.30 - (Todd you can’t marry Sarah – you’re Gay. Now you’re off the hook because it looks like she lost the baby.) I grew up with this show, and with two transplanted Mancunians in the house my bias was doomed from an early age.

Sleep came like a lead blanket at 11, following a few minutes of couch-induced forays into ‘nighthood’.

“I’m not sleeping, I’m just resting my weary eyes.”

2005-02-22T13:35:00.000-05:00

Good Times at the Rangers Club. Isn't that Alex McLeish?

Weekend Score:
Rangers - 2
Celtic - 0

2005-02-22T12:54:00.000-05:00

The Toronto Chapter of the Acoustic Neuroma Society meets at the upper Spadina locale on the last Tuesday of every month. That's tonight, and I'll see you there. Of course if you're too cool for school this evening, there is always next month when the guest speaker will be Dr. Charles Tator.

2005-02-21T17:44:00.000-05:00

Hunter Thompson holding court.

Goodbye Hunter Thompson

2005-02-21T17:16:00.000-05:00

Goodbye Hunter, We'll miss you. Did we really expect you to go out any other way? Anyone unfamiliar with the great gonzo journalist might start with 'Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas'.

· The Gonzo Site

· NY Review Says Adios

Today I ran on the treadmill for the first time (which tired me out but felt great), and had a chance to check out the other side of the coin when I spoke with a recently diagnosed acoustic neuroma patient. I'm glad I didn't have to make the agonizing choice between gamma knife and micro-surgery, and it felt good to help. I had two MRI scans, two CT scans, diagnosis, and surgery all within a five-week span, how smooth is that? I'm happy I didn't have months to think about it the choices - too many bad dreams.

Good luck and best wishes to K.

Now Playing: 'Shaved Head' - The Rheostatics

2005-02-18T17:10:00.001-05:00

We walked a fast 11.9KM today and had a nice skippy afternoon nap.

"Vinyl Cafe Diaries" by Stuart Maclean is finished (heartwarmingly Canadian) and has been replaced by Dave Barry's "Big Trouble"(one fast read), followed by "The World's Most Dangerous Places" (weapons, wars, and the drug trade) by Robert Pelton. Pelton's book provided the perfect gentle descent into alpha waves this afternoon, the trusty Luna by my side.

I helped Terry set up his new computer (it's a real Bentley BTW) yesterday, and reminded him that it might be a good idea to "check his chill" when his mouse wouldn’t budge. When an optical mouse is on a glass table it needs a pad to register - go figure.

I just had a nice long bath and shaved my head, revealing my dandy new scar in the process. I think it makes me look 'tough', and bothers me not in the least. As James would say, "It's about time you got some scars, so far you've gotten off Scot free."

Danke Schoen NHL Hockey

2005-02-17T06:18:00.000-05:00

I went to the gym yesterday for a balance exercise workout with a really incredible and talented trainer by the name of Marci Figuer. She has a ton of experience, and pays careful attention to to the needs of individual clients. Marci and her 'eagle eye' can be found at http://www.eclipsefitness.com/

Inline skates and bicycling are next. (Following the purchase of a fancy new helmet of course. Bumping my noggin is apparently a "bad idea", especially for least for the next three months. ) http://sportsmedicine.about.com/cs/toppicks/tp/aatp_helmets.htm

By the way, I bought a pair of Yaktrax Pro ice cleats yesterday and tried them out on a brisk afternoon walk at Taylor Creek. They're smashing. (See the link below.)

Goodbye to NHL Hockey for the season. If one ever needed a reminder that greed is a dish best never served at all, this is it.

The Return of Joe Gatineau

2005-02-16T07:35:00.000-05:00

Is this about the fearless poutine loving Ottawa Valley favourite Joe Gatineau - star of stage, screen, and television?

http://www.flyingcanoetraders.com/content/legend.asp

National Child Care

2005-02-15T13:18:00.000-05:00

9.8 Kilometre Fast Walk with LunaChick:
South to Coxwell
West on Danforth
North on Broadview
East on Cosburn to home.

I'm hungry.
I also need to go downtown to buy new ice cleats, my pins fell out. Safety first! Kudos to those who invented Yaktrax - recipient of my hard-earned dollars today: http://www.yaktrax.com/

First Workout

2005-02-15T10:29:00.000-05:00

I had my first workout yesterday: Twenty minutes on the spinning bike in the studio, followed by fifteen minutes on an elliptical trainer. The music sounded good and it was great to see Tess on the machine beside me - good times. I was wearing my heart rate monitor, and noticed my heart rate comes up pretty fast at this point; I’ll have to be careful. I need to watch the pressure on the head, I don't need to spring a (CSF) leak. Joan of Arc left some cookies at the club for me, tasty goodness – yes indeed and thanks! (BTW - I gained a paltry 4 pounds so far - no shake.)

I’ve got to build my strength up gradually – inline skates and bicycles are next. Affirm, affirm.

T-Shirt Ideas:

“If You’re Behind Me, Chances Are I Didn’t Hear You.”
“Could You Repeat That? I Didn’t See Your Lips The First Time.”
“Selective Hearing In Session - (When It Comes To Manual Labour.)”
"How's Your Rearview?"
And with a click of the glass from Bootsauce: “Eh?” on the front, and “Huh?” on the back.

2005-02-14T06:47:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Can't Shake That Geek

2005-02-12T07:27:00.000-05:00

Hola,

My days consist of mega walks with the WonderDog Luna, “Vinyl Café Diaries” by Stuart MacLean, eating, listening to the radio, and sleeping. I celebrated my first 30 days post-op on Wednesday and all is groovy.

I can’t believe how tired I get at night: I fall into the deep and cozy caverns of the couch at 8.00PM, rise to the sweet dulcet tones of Star Jones and the View at 10.50PM and then I’m gonzo again until 6.30AM when I rise to put the coffee on – “The Great Canadian Coffee” as President’s Choice so aptly describe it as they scrape the underbelly of Tim Horton – it’s cheaper and tastes about the same. As far as the sleeping goes, some people characterize it “sleeping like a teenager”. Right now I sleep about 10 – 14 hours a day. Luna loves to hear me get up; she likes to run to the backyard in an attempt to surprise the squirrels and birds, poor buggers. I’m hoping they know all about the pesky White Dog, and run away in time.

I feel mentally strong, but am still physically weaker – time heals all, and thankfully I’ve got some time before I go back to work. I want to hit the ground running and don’t want to be the guy who leaves early “because he’s tired”, there's too much to do. I notice I’m not as sharp and eloquent when talking to strangers, there’s something else I need to work on to get back to my jovial self. It’s minimal but there nonetheless, I think it’s a self-confidence thing. (Of course I could lie or not mention it, but hey – I’ve gone public. (Did I tell you about the catheter?)

I went to Eclipse on Thursday to say hello, it was great to see you all, and the renovations look so amazing. I start balance exercises, stability ball, cardio, and very light weight there next week. I’m also going to see the Spinning Studio to listen, check the microphone, ride the bike and see how the room feels. (Recognizing that ambient sound is a bit of a clucker, I’m going to try to check out a class next week as well to hear the barrage of conversation that takes place prior to start.) I’m so looking forward to going back to the gym to work this and the other kinks out, and see all the cool fitness types and friends at the club.
Baci Be Gone.

PS - I think it's time for an electronic pad drum kit for the house. Whaddya think? It's cheaper than a Harley. I should use this opportunity to try to squeeze a 'midlife crisis' toy into the equation. Are you there Tess?

PSS - I started driving on Wednesday.

Wed - 14 KM
Thurs - 9KM (Slacker)
Fri - 15KM
Sat -?

2005-02-08T16:50:00.000-05:00

Venezia

Mahalo

2005-02-08T16:42:00.000-05:00

I would be remiss if at this point I didn’t say thank you all for throwing a little energy my way throughout this entire process. Everyone has been so supportive and I’m grateful to all who have been in touch via email or telephone, those who’ve posted, or anyone connected to sending the Light East this way any amount of time – I appreciate it. I’m so blessed and thankful to have friends like you, and try not to take this or any other good fortune lightly.

That's All.

Cheers.

Hockey Night In Canada and the Superbowl

2005-02-07T06:58:00.000-05:00

Go Alouettes!

I went to see the the lads last night at a place in Newmarket and watch a little bit of the game, but in true fashion didn't know who was playing until my arrival. (Neither did TL - good man.) What is it they say about the exploitation of corporate sports by the military-industrial driven mass-media?

It was great to see everyone and although the room was a little loud and the ambient sound a bit too much, things were much better after I plugged my good ear - it seemed to even things out a bit. It was tiring and conversations took some real focus, but well worth it. (BR - aka Sick Boy: "Bell me on the mobby") was in fine form, and telling good jokes: "Two Irish Catholics named Patrick and Michael wanted to join the IRA..." I had a cranberry-soda, no junk food passed my lips, and I lasted two hours before TL and I took our townie-butts south.

I'm doing some research related to one-sided deafness, ambient sound, tinnitus, and balance. These are the biggest hurdles for me, that of course and the size of my 'sliver', but that in no way is of any major concern at this point - it gets no energy, thanks very much.

No hockey this year, I feel for the fans. Greed is a trait best avoided.

"Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you sit quietly, may alight upon you."

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Links and Photos

2005-02-05T08:31:00.000-05:00

As Buddy Miles might say, my mind is goin’ through them changes.

Feel free to post links and photos in the Bravenet spot(s) provided under the archives to your right. I can guarantee if you leave it up to me, I’ll just keep trying to keep the younger generation on the chuckle, learn HTML and insert as I go, but maybe photos are a good idea? Scan away. Are there any good links out there?

Tell Me Something Good, Hook a Brother Up, and Say It Loud.

Maybe you can use web-mail and a fake name if you’re more comfortable like Joe Satriani did in the Guestbook.

To The PL Rangers

2005-02-04T06:18:00.000-05:00

Hey Everyone,

Glad to see you're reading.
Although I'm doing a reasonable amount of writing and walking, I don't want you guys to get the impression that I'm yet dancing like Michael Flatley - yikes, there's an image!

Unfortunately, I can't come to lunch with you today, as much as I miss your fine selves and the office. I have to avoid any undue opportunistic infections (read: colds) as I'm still in danger of developing a cerebrospinal fluid leak, and a respiratory infection at this point would be a big drag. Although I’m doing well, I just had a really big tumour removed and have to take it slow for a while, although I will be in the car with my wife downstairs later this afternoon to pick a plate of your fine booty – so tasty.

Sorry, the next PL-Potluck will have to do me, and believe me when I say I can well imagine who might be bringing the cutlery today.

Happy Friday!

Trivia Question: The first person who posts the correct answer will win an all expenses paid visit to the Front Street Tim Horton's upon my return. Score to Date: RM - 1

Who led the Metis in the rebellions at Red River in 1870 and in the northwest in 1885?

Kudos To The Team

2005-02-03T13:15:00.000-05:00

An email I sent to Sunnybrook and Women's College today:

Hi All,

I just want to take this opportunity to express my sincerest gratitude to you all for my acoustic neuroma excision, and my ongoing contact with the office. Although this was a major event for me it was 'business as usual' for the team, and I'm so pleased to write that the experience has been as efficient as it has since diagnosis Dec 9. I’m doing incredibly well, have had little to no complications, and am now walking about 15 KM Per Day. (Surgery Date: Jan. 12)

Cheryl, Karen, Dr. J Chen, Dr. F. Pirouzmand, Dr. B. Rotenberg, Dr. A. Marshall, Daryl Sparkes R.N., and everyone involved deserve enormous kudos. I realize how lucky I am to have had such a wonderfully talented team do the work, and realize how rare it was to have such great results with such a large tumour. (5.5CM)

Please feel free to add me to your list of patient contacts and pass my number and email to prospective patients. I have a weblog journal that takes a lighter view of my journey with acoustic neuroma that I started just after diagnosis, please pass this on as well. http://www.lalleytumour.blogspot.com/

Enjoy each day and best regards,

John Lalley
19grapes@rogers.com

"Let us be grateful to those who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our soul blossom."
Marcel Proust

Distance Count

2005-02-02T16:04:00.000-05:00

I'm up to 15KM as of today.

Walk One took place this morning with Tess and Luna north on Coxwell to Taylor Creek and back through the long way through Mortimer; Walk Two was a solo afternoon effort south on Woodbine, west on Danforth, north on Donlands, and back on Plains Rd. My balance is awkward when I turn my head to focus as I'm walking, but no one knows because my gait is normal.

I love reading Mordechai Richler.

Affirm, affirm, affirm.

2005-02-02T07:27:00.000-05:00

What Was He Thinking?

Snowboarding Dreams

2005-02-02T07:09:00.000-05:00

I had my first non-AN dream (that I remember) last night, Tess and I were snowboarding in the Rockies somewhere enjoying the good times. We started on the baby-hills and moved on to the big stuff. I take this as a good sign, and although I'm glad this January is over, I'd never be so bold as to will this beautifully short and balmy Toronto February away.

I walked at least 10KM yesterday (half-solo, half on city streets), and today celebrate the small victories.

Operating Room Notes

2005-02-01T15:27:00.000-05:00

Editors Note: Turns out it was only 5.5 CM, do I feel cheated.
PS - I like the "Service Date" ...

Sunnybrook & Women's College
Health Sciences Centre
Sunnybrook Campus

OPERATIVE NOTE
PT NAME: LALLEY, JOHN
SERVICE DATE: 12-JAN-2005
PREOPERATIVE DIAGNOSIS:
Right large cystic Vestibular Schwannoma (5.5 CM) with hearing loss and imbalance with facial
numbness.

POSTOPERATIVE DIAGNOSIS:
PROCEDURE:
1) Translabyrinthine infratentorial excision of tumour and microscopic dissection and facial nerve monitoring. Duraplasty, labyrinthectomy and abdominal fat graft and periosteal flap closure and temporalis fascia

SURGEON: Dr. JOSEPH CHEN
ASSISTANT: Dr. F. Pirouzmand I Dr. B. Rotenberg I Dr. A. Marshall

PROCEDURE:
This man with a large right CP angle tumour with a large cystic component and significant brainstem and cerebellar compression. He has a right sided progressive hearing loss and imbalance with mild trigeminal symptoms as well. He understands the options for treatment and has decided to undergo surgical treatment. He was apprised of the benefits of this surgery. Preoperative investigations showed no contraindication to surgery.

OPERATION: The patient was identified and brought to the O/R suite. Under general anaesthetic and under oral tracheal intubation, the patient was positioned for surgery. His head was fixed in a Mayfield head frame. The posterior scalp was shaved and the facial nerve monitoring was established as well as the trigeminal nerve and the smaller drains and the somatosensory evoked potentials.The attention was then focused on the abdomen whereby a left mid quadrant transverse incision was made, and a large morsel of fat obtained to be used at a later stage.The skin was closed in a standard fashion with a suction drain. Then following this, the head was prepped and draped and a large post auricular incision was made and the dissection was then carried out. A large Paiva periosteal flap and temporalis muscle rotational flap were prepared and later used.

Using a Bien aire drill, a large mastoidectomy and decompression of the middle cranial fossa and sigmoid sinus were completed. Following this and under the microscope. a labyrinthectomy and the translabyrinthine bony resection was then prepared. The posterior fossa dura was likewise
decompressed. The superior petrosal sinus was skeletonized and preserved. The dura of the posterior fossa was incised and partially excised to gain entrance to the CP angle.

A large cystic lesion was encountered whereby the contents of the cyst was evacuated to reduce the size of the tumour. Following this. there was gentle retraction of the sigmoid sinus and the cerebellum allowed better exposure of the posterior fossa. With meticulous sharp and blunt dissection, the cystic capsule was removed from the cerebellum.

The CSF was drained from the lateral and the basal cisterns to-decompress the posterior fossa. A large solid tumour was encountered within the CP angle whereby gradual debulking was carried out within the 4 tumour capsule. When this was completed, the tumour was mobilized very gently from the brain stem in the superior and the posterior boundaries. Inferiorly the tumour appeared to be stuck to the lower cranial nerves and a sliver of tumour was preserved to protect the lower cranial nerves. Superiorly.the petrosal vein was preserved and the tumour dissected gently away from it and from the trigeminalnerve.

Laterally, the tumour was removed from the internal auditory canal. Following the facial nerve. the nerve was felt to be displaced anteriorly initially and inferiorly towards the brain stem. All the tumour in this area was removed and dissected meticulously away from the facial nerve to maintain the nerve integrity and function. There was very little irritability within the facial nerve while monitored. The nerve stimulated well to bipolar stimulation at 0.01 mA. All visible tumour was removed except for a small sliver stuck up to the brainstem root at the exit zone of the lower cranial nerves. The decision was made to preserve this area and to avoid injuring the lower cranial nerves. Hemostasis was obtained throughout the procedure using bipolar coagulation and Gelfoam as well as Surgicel. There was no active bleeding and at the termination of the case and even with positive intrathoracic pressure.

The posterior fossa was repaired using temporalis fascia and abdominal fat and connective tissue obliterating middle ear space and bone wax obliterating all mastoid air cells. The abdominal fat was placed within the surgical cavity and stabilized with Tisseel. Paiva periosteal flap was returned and used to obliterate the surgical defect along with the rotation of temporalis muscle flap. The wound was closed in layers using #2.0 and #3.0 Dexon as well as skin staples. A standard dressing was applied.

Total estimated blood loss was less than 200 cc and the patient tolerated the procedure well and he was then brought to the recovery room and then extubated without difficulty.

He had excellent and normal facial nerve function in the recovery room.

2005-02-01T03:55:00.000-05:00

Psychotherapy

Arrested Development

2005-02-01T03:38:00.000-05:00

I just went back to some patient stories on various sites and they’re just so sad, I think I need to navigate away for a while. I can’t believe my good fortune, and wonder do I owe this to karma? I think my slate is pretty clean, but how clean could it be? My complications are minimal and although I could list everything that’s wrong and how recovery is a slow process why bother. Listing the negatives is just a bummer all around.

Today is Day Seven on the steroids on the only side effect I’ve noticed is a penchant for the aforementioned Baci Ice Cream, and Clodhoppers from the Bulk Barn, not to mention flax, blueberries, strawberries, grapes, organic cereal, and sweet peppers. My taste buds haven’t been affected, and everything tastes good. (Insert Scottish Accent Here: "Tess is dune a good joab on mah belly.") I think I’ve maybe gained two pounds post-op, and this’ll certainly be dealt with as soon as I get back to the gym and correct that caloric balance.

I must be feeling better. I’ve already started obsessing about work!

Now Playing: “Dragonfly On Bay Street”
Ron Sexsmith

Onscreen: "Arrested Development"
Kudos to Jason and Eclipse - How did I miss this?

Written Word: "Porno" by Irvine Welsh followed by "Barney's Version" by Mordechai Richler

PC Updates / OR Reports

2005-01-31T08:17:00.000-05:00

I went to a little shop in Scarborough on Sunday called TSI Computers where it was determined my problem was caused by a toasted power supply. I was treated with respect and NOT ripped off. Tell me the chain stores would have been as fast, or as courteous, or as honest, and I might even be inclined to argue but whose kidding whom? I’m a Libra.

If you have any PC problems and you’re in the area, it’s worth the drive to Scarborough to see Inthiran at TSI Computers and Repair!

Web - http://www.tsicomputer.com/
Email - info@tsicomputer.com

Went for a lovely walk with the beauties afterwards, each day gets a little better. I’m going to maybe post my OR Report later today, after I mail in my STD forms.

Happy Monday!

Computer Crash!

2005-01-30T08:58:00.000-05:00

32 MGs of RAM and a grotty dial up connection is what it’s come down to, and I’m damn lucky to have it. My PC crashed with a power surge yesterday, and now I can’t wake the monitor up. I’m looking for ‘Nerds on Site’, but there is no local constabulary – I’m gonna have to use someone else, and maybe even buy a new PC! MDG Direct here we come?

"You Are Still Connected To The Host. Would You Like To Disconnect?”

Yes, albeit temporarily please.

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind

2005-01-29T01:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my first solo mission. Tess went to work for a couple of hours and I saw an opportunity to shoot the gap. My first 5K walk alone, just me and the other cadgers alone on an early Friday morning soft-pedaling our way through a frozen and white expanse, Mr. Canada Post crunching along as our only company.

I walked south to Danforth and west to the other side of Coxwell and back, taking side streets, and taking my time. Stop signs have become very important, as has looking both ways, and recognizing where those hulking SUV’s are. One of the downsides of only having one ear is that you lose sense of what direction the sound is coming from. Danforth was full of distraction and moving targets as usual, and made me feel dizzier, excellent exercise though it was. Good my gait is completely normal, although I felt and am feeling the world isn’t spinning, but is a little off center. I returned to the house feeling triumphant – I made it!

I took it easy for a while - it’s amazing how I’m used to start times for JAG so soon, and waited for Tess to come home. My number one beauty walked through the door and our next mission was to drive to Sunnybrook to pick up signed letters for disability ($35.00) and what appeared to be a synopsis of what occurred in the OR during surgery. Nice one, I’ll scan this in for your reading enjoyment, I’m sure you’ll be happy as I was to learn that I’m not a ‘bleeder’. (Editor’s Note - It says on the page that I’m 38, but of course I’m only 30, typos be damned.)

We took Luna to Sunnybrook Park for another 3.5K walk through the woods after this, and headed home to wait for Jason who was coming from Eclipse Fitness for a visit. Good times and a great visit, and I think he is feeling better. As I’ve said, the level of support that is coming from Eclipse is truly remarkable, and I’m so grateful to be working with the talent there, and to be part of Jason’s business family. He brought over a beautiful card and some amazing DVD’s to watch, and a snappy book about the History of Rock N’ Roll, lots to keep me busy.

Next on the task list was to head to the grocery for some fruit and organic milk, and over for some quick Vietnamese food before coming home to watch “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” tired, but not sleepy, not so “Moon Faced” as slightly “Chipmunk Cheeked”. I stopped taking my pain medication when I started the steroids, last Tuesday.

‘Clear’ is good.

Best News I've Heard All Day.

2005-01-27T16:06:00.000-05:00

The best news I heard today was Dr. Chen saying: "So you've gone from an A+ to an A. Big deal. Go watch a movie."

Ahem.

Staples are out and it didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable. We went to a Portuguese place for lunch after the appointment and 'Emmanuel Sandhu' if that wasn't darned tasty. We then took the dog down to the Creek in what was the biggest excursion to date.

Today has been a piece of cake, a slice of pie.
Gotta go, Dr. Phil is coming on and I need to change the channel.

Baci, Baci, Baci.

Learning to Love Reality Television

2005-01-27T01:35:00.000-05:00

I love the Idol.

The American Idol that is. Simon is nicer to people this year even they when they really suck, some of them are really asking for it. Gene Simmons said no to everyone who crossed his path, what a tough guy… I love the overweight, conventionally unattractive ones who can really sing, like that kid from New Orleans – they’re the ones who bring tears to my eye (s).

I say eye(s) because no matter how many conventionally unattractive singers I see, or onions I may slice, my right eye still isn’t tearing up the way it should. Over the counter eye drops are $18.00 a pop, and I’m already on my second bottle of Tears Naturale. Maybe I’ll ask Doctor Chen for a script for something cheaper, and a referral to the Ophthalmologist. By the way, I get my staples out today, all 17 in the head, and 11 in the abdomen. I created a list for the good doctor; right at the top is “when can I start shoveling the driveway?” The snow is really coming down this year, poor Tess. Hopefully, I’ll soon have a before/after CAT scan to post as well, and that’s also a request.

So far, no side effects from the steroids, none. No weight gain, and no moon face, fingers are crossed for the next eight days, whatever happens, no big deal. We went for a 5 kilometre walk yesterday - (3.1 miles for you Imperialists), which was great. I had some lunch followed by a quick nap. There is nothing like a visit to the Sandbox for some fresh perspective!

“For the things we have to learn before we do them, we learn by doing them.”
Aristotle

"Truer words were never spoken Lloyd, truer words were never spoken."
Jack Torrance to Lloyd the Bartender in The Shining

60 MG Per Day - Prednisone

2005-01-25T11:29:00.000-05:00

4 Tablets 3 X Per Day / 5MG Per Pill
Daily Dose = 60 Milligrams

What side effects can this medication cause?
Although side effects from prednisone are not common, they can occur.

moon face
weight gain
upset stomach
stomach irritation
vomiting
headache
dizziness
insomnia
restlessness
depression
anxiety
acne
increased hair growth
easy bruising
refined sense of humour
refined sense of coolness
unusual development of useless trivia answers
development of dog training skills - discipline without punishment

Bring the challenge ON!

In Search of...Sasquatch!

2005-01-25T02:43:00.000-05:00

We took a good walk with Luna yesterday with a few of the ‘Creekers’ through the mighty Taylor, in search of Sasquatch and the meaning of life. I had noticed some time ago that “Tom” had at some point suffered a facial paralysis, which affected his speech and after letting him know all about my story, took yesterday as an opportunity to ask him about his experience.

“Cancer in the brain stem, thank God it hasn’t been recurrent.”

Well. I’m a lucky boy indeed. They say that if you’re going to get a tumour, an acoustic neuroma is like winning the lottery.

James and Terry came over for a Loblaw’s sponsored dinner - (they made me pay after all) - of lasagna, documentaries, and laughter. “Crazy Old-Bird Dog” was the operative phrase, which was used often with great success.

I talked to Dr. Chen today on the phone to give him some details about the facial paralysis – he concurs that it is a slight problem, and he’ll call in a script for prednisone tomorrow. I may or may not go on, and because it is a steroid, may suffer some weight gain and “moon-face” as a result. We’ll see how it gets overnight. There hasn’t really been any change since Sunday night. He says a HB III is pretty bad, which leads me to believe that I have a II. Learn as you go!

Baci Ice Cream

2005-01-24T14:36:00.000-05:00

Sssshhh!
Don't tell Marci, my personal trainer...
But have you tried Baci Ice Cream?

Damn!

Mondays Are For Sleeping.

2005-01-24T13:55:00.000-05:00

OK, OK - stop yelling, but I do love to take naps after lunch on a Monday.
So I'm pretty sure I'm hovering between a III and a II.

Insert blessing count here:
All this is temporary!
I'm not a IV!

II Normal symmetrical function in all areas.

II Slight weakness noticeable only on close inspection. Complete eye closure with minimal effort. Slight asymmetry of smile with maximal effort. Synkinesis barely noticeable, contracture, or spasm absent.

III Obvious weakness, but not disfiguring. May not be able to lift eyebrow. Complete eye closure and strong but asymmetrical mouth movement with maximal effort. Obvious, but not disfiguring synkinesis, mass movement or spasm.

House Brackmann Scale - For Facial Paralysis II

2005-01-23T18:33:00.000-05:00

I think HB II describes me. A perfect score is noted first:

I Normal symmetrical function in all areas

II Slight weakness noticeable only on close inspection. Complete eye closure with minimal effort. Slight asymmetry of smile with maximal effort. Synkinesis barely noticeable, contracture, or spasm absent.

R.I.P. Johnny Carson

2005-01-23T18:28:00.000-05:00

http://www.cbc.ca/story/world/national/2005/01/23/carson-dead050123.html

Enjoy the train ride brother.

Sundays Are Good Days To..

2005-01-23T18:07:00.000-05:00

I hope when I said earlier that I "had no facial paralysis whatsoever" I wasn't speaking too soon. I guess I have some - but too little to be of any consequence. I hope it does'nt get any worse.

Good day today - A good walk round, a visit from Brian and Bianca, another walk with Tess and Luna (at the park) and a visit from Irene and Jack who brought some comfort food.

As I write, the pain turns nasty and heads south, and I need to take another painkiller. The best way I can describe this pain is by saying that it seizes my back and shoulders up and I can't think of anything else.

Good Things about The Last Week

2005-01-22T10:51:00.000-05:00

*Being Alive.

*My left ear works very well, thank you very much.

*Clint Eastwood movies.

*Angela's Ashes by Frank MCourt - (Courtesy KC)

*Eric's Soup - (Courtesy CET)

*My New Fleece - Columbia Titanium - (Courtesy TT)

*Coronation Street

*Ontario Telehealth - Speak with a nurse-24/7 @ 1-866-797-0000

*No facial paralysis whatsoever! (Touch Particle Board.)

*Walking, Standing, Turning, Smiling, Kissing, Dancing - The list goes on and on.

*See above two, and countest thy blessings!